I heard it happening in the other room, behind the closed door. I could only imagine the carnage and lay there silently, cuddled up in bed with my evening read in hand and trusty teddy propping my head, knowing there was nothing I could do to stop it.
I was curious — a part of me wanted to see — but I dare not move.
The activity went on for a while — maybe twenty minutes, maybe less, maybe more; it seemed like forever — and I listened as those blades did their dirty work, cutting as they were meant to cut. When the deal was done, when the job was complete, the weapon clunked as it was set down on the counter top. Then the next sounds came to me, translated from muffles that slid through the gap between my bedroom carpeting and the door: the movement of plastic, plastic that had been laid down to keep the mess contained, a delicate shuffling as it was folded, gathered, balled, and finally shoved into the trash bin.
The shower came on. As I heard a body step heavily into the tub and the metal rings of the curtain slide along the aluminum curtain rod, I wondered what remnants of that massacre were being swept down the drain.
I wondered what would happen after tonight.
It wasn’t a few minutes before the water was shut off, the deed done and washed away, as if it had been nothing. Then he emerged from the room, unrecognizable.
I stared, speechless, and he stared back at me.
Then we laughed.
After almost a year of happy, fuzzy, furry, Lumberjack-thick beardedness, my husband shaved. What remained was… weird. Smooth — no, baby smooth skin left pale by the absence of sun glared back at me. It was one of those things from which you can’t look away. Should I feel bad about wincing? I touched it, made a face, shivered, laughed, and continued with my bedtime reading as I acknowledged that the beard I loved was dead and gone. That is, until next fall.
But, hey, at least I get to linger in the sweet scent of aftershave for the next few months.
Ladies (or guys!): how do you feel after someone de-beards? Share your (or your kids’) funny reactions in the comments!